Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
