thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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