omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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