the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
