I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
