the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
