So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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