I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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