i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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