If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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