HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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