Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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