and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize