I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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