His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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