he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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