Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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