Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
