she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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