I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
