There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
