Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize