oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the day after is always just damage control
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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