I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
