No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
