his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
