Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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