She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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