ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
