I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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