Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
