I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
