Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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