So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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