i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
