How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
