So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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