If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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