and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
