I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
