Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
