we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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