Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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