if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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