I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
