What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize