i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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