Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
