I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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