Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
