Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
