The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
