What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
