So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
