Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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