I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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