So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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