i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
