i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize