my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
