I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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