gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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