I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
