I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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