dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
