Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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