Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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