He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
