Taylor Swift is so right about you.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
