I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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