So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
