She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
