Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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