i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
