How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
